I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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