We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
