Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
