I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
