Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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