Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
