how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im holly from the hills drunk
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
