No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
