everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
