I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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