Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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