i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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