so explain again why im purple
no
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
