he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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