I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
