i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize