I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
