She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
