she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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