naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize