cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
