i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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