Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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