Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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