Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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