Sry I called you an 8
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
