i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
