I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hippo gnu deer
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
