I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
