the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize