he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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