Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
