so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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