I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you traded sex for a burrito?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
