A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
