You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's official drugs can't kill me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
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