I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
