just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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