no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
