I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Randomize
