I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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