U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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