I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize