just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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