Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
