tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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