You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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