first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
