i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
