Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
