I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
