I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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