I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
