go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
