I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
