i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
In America we eat man semen.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
