Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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