If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
