guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
