We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
