he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
