the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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