Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
