It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
