We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
