I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
