You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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