maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
