So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
