you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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