WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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