Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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