I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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