wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
