I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
